Without maps and practices to see through the unconscious scripts that deeply influence our sexuality, we are unable to find a way to express and embody our own individual sexuality. A sexuality that is effortless, easy and a direct expression of our internal experience. Learning to track and listen to our bodies, and the intrinsic intelligence of erotic energy, we become trustworthy to ourselves and others.
Let’s Talk About Sex
Sexuality is such an intrinsic aspect of our being: we love it; we yearn for it; and when we don’t have it, it feels like something so core is missing. So why is it, in our modern age, that sexuality is still so difficult to explore and integrate into all aspects of our lives? And if we do have the courage to turn towards it, where do we go? What has integrity and resonates with the depth of who we are? Do we really have to get naked and bare all to a group of strangers? In short, no! But it still takes courage.
There’s Nothing Wrong with You!
When it comes down to it, most of us have some fear that there’s something wrong with us, or that in some way, we’re not enough. We might feel we’re needy, too shy, too timid, not orgasmic enough. Or on the other hand, we might feel like we’re too sensual, too big or too wild for anyone. Can we say ‘no’? Can we ask for what we want? And if we do ask, can we really allow ourselves to receive it, in all of our being? The reality is, the way we do sex in our culture is insanely contracted. Having lived in it all our lives, it’s hard to see we’re in it. We’re addicted to the short-lived peak orgasm and spend most of time grasping and gripping towards it (which means, by-the-way, that we’re not actually taking in the nourishment of each blissful moment). We hold tension in our bodies, our breath, and anything that interrupts this is exiled or literally jumped over, in the terror that we might miss it. Whilst there are fundamental flaws in this system, without the permission to learn about and explore our sexuality, we somehow get lost in the illusion, and fall into an unconscious belief that “there is something wrong with me”!
Trusting our inspiration
Rather than waiting for unconditional love from our partners, freedom comes from within. Allowing ourselves to slow down and come into mindful relationship to the raw experience beneath our sexuality, we begin to find an alignment to the truth of our experience. We learn to be truly present. We learn to touch. We learn to listen to the nearly inaudible signals of our own needs. We learn to meet our vulnerability, our yearning, or the myriad of experiences we’d rather keep at bay. We become our own lovers, becoming so intimate with our direct experience. As we do this, our capacity for profound intimacy grows.
Developing a Practice
On a purely physiological level, having learnt to aim for the peak orgasm as our primary objective, our bodies have established deep neurological and physiological pathways of pleasure. This limits our erotic capacity and means that our habits of attention are so narrow that we literally by-pass the multitude of pleasure that’s available to us in any given moment. Learning to redirect our attention takes time and practice: we learn to open our pathways through conscious touch; we learn to explore and develop new pathways of pleasure; we learn to listen to unfolding; we learn come into relationship to the emotional terrain beneath our sexuality; and most importantly, we develop a completely new relationship to erotic energy … the subtle energies that move within, through and around us.
Relaxation is the Key
As we learn to listen to this energy and navigate through an internal alignment, we start to fall more and more into all of who we are. Effortlessness becomes our guide. It signals to us when we’re in the terrain of our unconscious histories. We learn to dance with it, be with it, welcome it. We learn to surrender to what is, and not follow the itch that re-creates the cycle of drama. We learn to trust our bodies, our lives and the sacredness of our organic unfolding. We learn to sit more comfortably in the unknown. And as we become sovereign in our sexuality, we become trustworthy to ourselves.