Slowing down in therapy to bring awareness into the body allows us to pay attention to the contraction and unconscious tension in our body and breath. These intricate somatic sequences, that we inherit or establish in the first few years of life, originally helped us regulate and soothe overwhelming states of distress and fear.
Over time, they develop from habit into character and slowly become the very lens through which we see the world and experience our relationships and our lives. Next time you’re activated, notice the tension in your belly, or throat or solar plexus. Notice how you breathe. As we learn to pay attention to, welcome and relate to these automatic embedded strategies, we mysteriously gain insight into the patterns we repeat. Without attending to these sweet, unconscious core-beliefs, they unwittingly and fearfully continue to orchestrate our lives.
Embodied Feeling Being
There are so many feelings we don’t want to feel. We judge them, fear them, blame others for them, try to heal them, but no matter what we do, they continue to gnaw away at our sense of ease. Their presence somehow confirms our wrongness, unlovability or the brokenness of humanity. What if these feelings aren’t what we think they are? What if it’s our relationship to them, or understanding of them, that creates this dis-ease?
In Tibetan Tantra, it’s believed that the roots of these feelings and sensations are buried in the unconscious. However, it’s not the feelings themselves that are the problem, but the unconscious mis-perception that is then glued to them that re-creates the wheel. Because it’s so deeply ingrained, we can’t see it. Our feelings feel so solid and real, so our habitual movements away from them inevitably persist. Embodied spaciousness is key.
“When the water gets caught in habitual whirlpools
dig a way out through the bottom to the ocean.
There is a secret medicine given only to those
who hurt so hard they can’t hope.
The hopers would feel slighted if they knew.”
“If you do not have acceptance for it, you are not loving it.
If you are not loving it, you are denying it.
When you deny, you do not have all of yourself with you,
because you are not accepting all of yourself.
If you do not have all of yourself present with you in a loving acceptance,
then you do not love yourself unconditionally.
You cannot love anyone else unconditionally,
if you do not have all of yourself there to love them.
Unconditional love exists when all of you is loving all of that which you love.”
As my therapist, Lorella is my deeply trusted guide and safe place as I traverse the most difficult material in my core. Her exquisite space holding, empathy and skill have enabled me to face my life with increasing calm, strength and spaciousness. I am so grateful for the extraordinary work she does.
I have worked with Lorella on and off for over seven years and she is my most favourite therapist ever (and I have seen quite a few of them!) She is exquisitely skilled at using Hakomi, has an extraordinarily loving presence and brings in a wealth of experience from other modalities she has trained in like sexological bodywork and meditation. If you are into approaching your difficulties with mindfulness and in the body, I can’t recommend her highly enough, both as an individual or as a couple’s therapist.
I am continually recommending Lorella to my friends as I’ve found her sessions so supportive and transformative. She helps me access the subconscious parts of me I am often not connected to. She holds space in such a way that I can surrender to the unknown and meet these parts that need my unconditional love and tender attention. I’ve often seen Lorella for ‘emergency’ situations, where I’ve been in trauma response and I’ve come out the other side being able to breathe and hold myself. Rather than numbing the heightened emotional response to make it stop in moments I’m feeling out of control. I highly recommend Lorella’s work as a form of emotional healing and processing.
Lorella is a kind, gentle, soothing presence. She has walked with me into parts of my nature I have never before welcomed. She has helped me to find aspects of my nature I have never known exist or given my attention to. This has lead to a calmer and firmer trust in my self, and to being more self loving. She is always so careful to hold and enable me and I leave the sessions with new insights, understandings, and energy.
Lorella provides the most nurturing, loving, safe space in which to journey. A space where you feel seen & heard & with this the ability to reach a deeper understanding & healing around old patterns. I am so grateful to Lorella for her love, support & wisdom in both my personal work & couples therapy with my husband. My work with her has created such growth, transformation & healing in all areas of my life from how I work, to the relationships I have with my husband, children, friends & community. Forever grateful.
Lorella transformed my relationship to my feelings, my body, my sex life, my partner and my own clients. I looked forward to every session and knew that whatever state I was in, I was welcome and I would be received with genuine warmth and wisdom. The techniques and practices she teaches I continue to use daily to help me navigate my inner world. I am very grateful that I was able to receive exactly what I needed when I needed it from this truly amazing therapist.
Whereas other therapists might focus on the outer layers (eg thoughts, beliefs, stories etc) where we often get hooked or stuck, Lorella is teaching me to go within, to navigate my inner world, to love and integrate all parts of me, and to become a whole human being for the first time in my life. She reads every tiny facial gesture and body movement and tracks all of me so beautifully throughout each session, so that when a hidden shadow part arises, she can show me how to hold this vulnerable part of myself in love and compassion. She is teaching me to reconcile my relationship with all these hidden parts of myself, how to be with their feelings, and how to listen to the messages they carry. Lorella has taught me to honour all of the gifts that come with being a sensitive being.
‘I m so grateful to Lorella and what she does. Our sessions have blown my mind many times and showed me a new way to ‘be’ with myself and the outcome is truly life changing. My relationships have benefited immensely and my parenting is gentler as I also learn to ‘hold’ myself. Lorella has this incredible capacity to take me deep into myself in a short period of time. Her approach is gentle yet powerful. Can’t speak highly enough. Thank you Lorella!’
From the first appointment, I found a safe and nurturing space which has made integrating my childhood experiences so much easier. I’ve been learning about how to navigate any emotions in the body, through her intuition, sweetness and clear guidance, and actually feel them. By learning more about the subtle body and the unconscious mind, I’m learning to be present moment-by-moment to any emotions that get stirred in me, regardless of their intensity.